Silence
by Leeyna
Summary: A Jogan fic, based on CP Coulter's Daltonverse. Sometimes silence hurts so much more than words ever could. M to be safe


**This is a Jogan fic. Based on CP Coulter's Daltonverse. Hope you like it, comments = love!**

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><p>"This is Logan Wright..." before the man on the other end of the phone could continue he took a deep breath and started talking.<p>

He had a lot to say. Everything, in fact. Everything that he had withheld from the one man he loved for more than six years now. Everything that had made him run from Dalton that day six years ago. Everything that had led him to tumble into depression. Everything that had made him pick up that first drink and then the twenty after that and then every day a little bit more. Everything that had brought him here. Lying on his kitchen floor, half drunk and high on some pills someone had handed him. His life was a mess. All he wanted was for Logan to understand and to tell him that everything would be alright.

When he had gotten everything off his chest he took a calming breath and a swig straight from the bottle. The liquor burned in his throat but he didn't care. He only cared about the person on the other end of the line. The one who still hadn't said a word. Panic and fear flooded his body. He had laid everything on the table. He had stripped completely naked, never had he been that honest about everything that was messed up in his life. The silence on the other end of the line stretched on.

"Logan?" Nothing.

Tears were pricking in his eyes threatening to spill over. "Are you still there?" Silence

He sat up at once. "I need you now. Say something!" The tears finally spilled over.

"I get it... you...you don't care. I'm worthless... I... Lo, I fucking need you. I can't live without you. You're everything. Everything."

He stood up swaying under the influence of the pills and alcohol. Opening a familiar drawer he saw the one thing that had kept him company in all those years. A shard of a mirror, reflecting the dim light in the kitchen. A piece of the mirror he had broken before he had left Dalton. Before he had lost himself. A trembling hand picked up the sharp object, holding it tight yet not tight enough to draw blood. Not yet. Sliding down against the cabinets a decision was formed. He held the cell between his head and shoulder and rolled up his long sleeve. Dark scars running across his forearms. Some healed and some new. He ran his fingers over the dips in his skin. He could remember the exact situations that had caused each and every one of them. They were his story. The story of how he ended up drunk and high on the floor of his kitchen sobbing into a cell phone, begging Logan to talk to him.

"Lo..." Silence. Pain rushed through him, he couldn't go on like this. It hurt too much.

"Lo, I love you. I need you to talk to me one last time. I can't go on without you. It hurts so much. I'm gonna end this right here. I love you. Never forget that. I love you. Don't forget me." The cell phone crashed into the opposite wall and landed broken on the floor. Broken like his owner.

Logan walked out of his three hour long meeting feeling exhausted. He hated to deal with those people. Hated working with them. It was the same drill every day, it was so tiring.

His cell phone beeped, signalling a new voice mail. Walking through the hallways towards the car park he pulled it from his pocket. Without bothering to check who had left the message he dialled the voicemail and played it.

"Logan? It's Julian. I just... I... I know we haven't talked in a long time. It's all my fault though... I ran... I was scared. There's... there's so much... I can't... I love you... not like a friend but... but... like I really love you. 'm not straight... never was... Do you remember freshman year? That... That's when it started. I never told you... because you... you never looked at me...not like you looked at others. I... I hated you... for...for not seeing me. It hurts so much. Only thing I ever...ever wanted was for you to be happy. I hate seeing you sad... you are an asshole but I love you. 'm not good. I miss you every day. I drink to forget. I...I have this doctor... or therapist... or whatever. He gives me pills... good ones. Like yours. But I... I never forget... you are always there. It's all I want. You. You by my side. You could fix me."

Logan had stopped and pressed the phone closer to his ear. Julian made more sense now. His sentences clearer, probably sobering up a little.

"I just... don't think I blame you for anything. It's just so hard. I did this to myself. I made a mistake. I shouldn't have left. I wish I'd been brave enough to tell you. I love you and no one will ever mean more to me than you. I can still see your eyes at night. In my dreams. They have this special colour. Like nothing else I've ever seen. You are beautiful. I just... you are my best friend and I love you. It's been six years but I wish I could see you again. I need you. I need help. But I need you more. I need the way we fight. I need you to be arrogant and annoying and everything. I need us to be like we were, only more. But I need you to say something right now."

Julian stopped talking and a confused look settled on Logan's face. Had he been that drunk not to realize that it was the voicemail? Was there more? He waited.

"Logan?" The way his voice broke brought tears to his eyes.

"Are you still there?" This wasn't the same man he had known. The one he knew was strong and witty and a diva but this someone was broken.

"I need you now. Say something!"The voice got angrier.

"I get it... you...you don't care. I'm worthless... I... Lo, I fucking need you. I can't live without you. You're everything. Everything." Sadness and fear washed over Logan. Something in the voice of his former friend was alarming. He heard the distant sound of movement and the opening of a drawer or something and more movement.

"Lo, I love you. I need you to talk to me one last time. I can't go on without you. It hurts so much. I'm gonna end this right here. I love you. Never forget that. I love you. Don't forget me." With that the message was over. It only took Logan a second before he started running towards his car already dialling Derek. Of course the other boy knew where Julian lived and gave him the address.

Weaving in and out of traffic Logan drove as fast as possible. Something was off. Something felt terribly wrong. He tried to call Julian again but he never picked up the phone. Minutes later he jumped out of his car and ran towards the front door. Fists banging on the wood as hard as possible but nothing moved behind the door. Silence lay over the house. Sadness covered it.

Without thinking Logan ran to the back of the house trying to find a back door or something. He stopped when he saw an open window. Well, not a door but it'll do. As quickly as possible he climbed in through the window.

"Jules? It's Logan. Are you here?" He was greeted with silence. A silence that was thick enough to drown out everything else.

Slowly the blond walked through the living room and towards the kitchen. Hoping to find his friend. Hoping to make things right. Hoping that they'll be alright.

All hope was gone when he came through the door and almost slipped on a dark red liquid. Logan looked at his beautiful friend, sinking to his knees. One last cry of agony broke through the silence that had settled over the small house, sunk into every pore, crept into every crack.


End file.
